none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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