I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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