I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
