So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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