Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
