im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
