He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you will always have a special place in my vag
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
