He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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