No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
