my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
