THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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