Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
