I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
