I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
