Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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