but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
