My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
