If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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