I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My balls are so social today.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
