super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize