i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
