he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
