I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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