and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
