hell yes lets make some ravioli
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
