He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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