Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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