So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
where does the pee come out of this thing
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You need a sexual gate keeper
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
