Its about making memories worth repressing
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
