I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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