I heard we made out
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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