He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
