how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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