that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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