Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
