well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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