I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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