i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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