so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
