pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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