Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize