I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize