he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
