Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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