i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
