You made me cry and you don't even care
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
