toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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