I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
