It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
