If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
