I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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