I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
