just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
