college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
