How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
