Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
