I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
