Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
