Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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