My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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