Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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