Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
