i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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