There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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