when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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